The Weight of Checklists
I remember vividly our three-month well-child visit at the pediatrician’s office. In part because it was our first visit with a new doctor after arriving in Washington, and I had struggled to get an appointment with anyone, anywhere.
But what really stuck with me about that visit was filling out the little questionnaire and realizing my sweet girl checked most of the boxes she should for a three-month-old. She was holding her head up, recognizing mom and dad, figuring out tummy time, and trying so hard to roll.
As I literally checked off the boxes, I found myself relaxing in a sort of relief: She’s just fine. She’s right where she should be. And then the thought came — how odd it felt to be waiting for my child to fall behind. How unfair it was to expect that, but also how unavoidable the future felt. The day would come when I didn’t check all the boxes for her. And what would that mean?
It’s one thing to intellectually know your child is or will be developmentally delayed. It’s another thing to live in the unknown: Will she walk on time? Probably not… but how late? Will she talk? Will she be non-verbal? When do we worry?
Why One-Size-Fits-All Doesn’t Fit Our Kids
In subsequent visits, I have checked off fewer and fewer boxes — and yet, I’ve grown more and more proud of the progress she has made.
What I have learned about milestone tracking is: not to worry about it.
Those checklists are not for us. They were not built for your kid or mine. They are a one-size-fits-all generalization of where most kids tend to be. But one-size-fits-all rarely fits anyone well — and it certainly doesn’t fit kids with unique needs.
Celebrating Inchstones
I know it can be discouraging watching your little one fall behind. I know it can feel unfair to watch them work so hard, and then realize the goalposts are still moving. I won’t deny how that tugs on my mamma heart.
But here’s the truth: our kids are making progress. Just at their own pace.
Dot’s little brain has been busy focusing on things most babies never have to — like keeping her alive, keeping her breathing, and recovering from surgeries. For her, getting oxygen takes priority over rolling, no matter how much she wants to roll. And yet, she is making progress. Every week, I have something new to share with our Early Intervention Team. Some weeks she inches, some weeks she leaps — but she keeps moving.
My biggest advice here is simple: take note. The easiest way to do this is to keep a journal. For me, I tell the Early Intervention Team. Every Wednesday, Dot’s OT and her Deaf/Hard of Hearing Teacher come to the house, and it has become my practice to tell them all the new things she has done since they last saw her. I sort of started this practice by accident, but because every week I want to have something to report, I’ve trained my mind to see the progress — no matter how small. Those small victories add up, and before you know it, you start feeling excited about every next step forward. It’s hands-down the best way to stay encouraged in the slow, beautiful journey.
A Different Kind of Timeline
Now at 13 months, Dot has finally achieved something she has been working on since she was a tiny NICU baby: this girl can roll! She’s started getting braver about rolling off her mat and exploring her space. She is more adamant about being given time to play on the floor.
And last week, she rediscovered her feet. For months, she has giggled whenever I brought her toes to her nose. But now, she’s noticed them on her own — staring, moving them, realizing they belong to her. At one point, she even leaned down and grabbed her own toes. It was pure delight.
These may not be “big milestones” on a pediatric chart, but to me they are. These are all reasons to celebrate in our house.
In Every Season
So, I don’t worry about milestones and timing anymore. I just keep helping her practice the skills she does have. Dot will keep doing things on her own God-given timeline. And as long as she keeps moving forward, I choose not to worry. My job is to celebrate her progress, however it comes.
I’ve been reminded lately of Ecclesiastes: “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”
Every baby has their own season. For some, progress is fast and furious. For others, like my sweet girl, it just inches along. But every step forward is worth celebrating. And when I’m tempted to compare or worry, I come back to the truth: there is a time for everything —rolling, toe-grabbing, and exploring. And in God’s timing, it is always good.