I love back-to-school season. Even when I’m not in school myself, it feels like a fresh start—almost like New Year’s. A perfect time to try new habits, settle into routines, and finally get organized. Lately, I’ve been trying harder and harder to figure out what a workable routine looks like for our family. The thing is…it’s hard, kind of overwhelming, and sometimes it feels impossible.
I’ve read countless books on habit formation and routine building this year, which is encouraging—if there are that many books, at least I know I’m not the only one struggling with this! But routines are still hard. So if you’re also wondering how to tackle bedtime, naps, or mealtimes, welcome. You’re in good company.
Social media is full of posts about perfect sleep schedules, nap routines, and eating windows. Friends fret about getting home in time to put their little one down for a nap. Well-meaning family, friends, and even medical providers often ask: What time does she nap? How long does she sleep? When is bedtime?
I usually smile and say, “Yesterday it was…” because the truth is, I have no idea if the pattern will hold today. And honestly? The mom guilt is real—and it’s something I know many parents feel. Sometimes it feels like meal schedules, nap routines, and bedtime are benchmarks of good parenting—and even when I know in my head that’s not true, my heart still wrestles with frustration and insecurity.
Most babies settle into their own rhythm, but Dot didn’t—and how could she? Between multiple medical appointments, procedures, and recovery, our days have never looked the same from week to week, let alone day to day. Most of the time, I measure time from one appointment to the next.
So Dot sleeps when she’s tired, eats when she’s hungry, and plays when she feels like it—and that’s a win. She is doing what her body needs, and I remind myself that these small victories are meaningful.
But now that things are starting to calm down a little, I’m realizing I crave some predictability. In my heart of hearts, I’m a creature of habit. I thrive with a certain degree of structure—but routines are built gradually, not overnight. And that has been something I’ve struggled to keep in mind.
Instead of overhauling our lives and trying to implement a whole schedule at once, I’ve started experimenting with small routines and little goals. Some of our current “experiments” include a bedtime routine, which is supposed to look like: pajamas and a fresh diaper, lavender on her feet, suctioning her nose and then the nebulizer, reading a story with Dad, and then hearing aids off, nursing, and bed.
But so far, we haven’t ever had the routine go perfectly as planned. Some nights we skip a step, or Dad and I switch up the order. In a few more weeks, I might decide to refine it further based on what we actually accomplish consistently. And that’s okay—because the goal is to find a routine that actually works for us, not to create more stress.
Another small routine I’m working on actually has nothing to do with Dot: I’m trying to get in the habit of running the dishwasher every night and emptying it every morning. It’s such a small thing, but it makes the house feel less overwhelming, a little cleaner, and gives me a small illusion of control in my otherwise very chaotic life.
Our first little routine—and the only one we do consistently—was something we stumbled into by accident. It’s our morning routine: wake up, coffee, then putting on Dot’s hearing aids, saying “Good morning!” and looking out the window together. I name things I can see and practice signing them for her. It’s simple, it sets a positive tone for the day, we both get some ASL practice in, and it’s a win every single time.
But even then, we don’t manage to do that every single day. Some mornings we’re in a hurry to get out the door, and some mornings we just start slower and I don’t put her hearing aids in right away. Routine is good, but flexibility is important.
Some routines will stick, some won’t—and that’s okay. I’m learning that starting broad, anchoring around key points in the day, and celebrating tiny wins matters more than perfection. Tiny rituals create consistency without rigid schedules, and flexibility is essential—life will throw off the best-laid plans.
Our bedtime routine isn’t perfect, our nap schedule isn’t fixed, and some nights we improvise. But by experimenting, observing, and adjusting, we’re finding a rhythm that works for our family.
Routines are hard. And life is messy, imperfect, and often unpredictable. But that doesn’t mean progress isn’t happening. Every small step, every tiny ritual, every little win counts. I’m still figuring it out—and some days it feels impossible—but noticing those small improvements reminds me that even in the mess, we’re moving forward.